Sit on my face!

This week is so barren of actual social events that I am going to do something rather extreme as to pass the time and get some long wanted results.

I'm going to fast, work-out and watch the entire first 2 seasons of Naruto.

Hopefully this will pass this week and get me quickly to friday when I get my DROID X! SCISSOR ME TIMBERS!

Completely Hung up on the Let down

My phone is dead. I can no longer move to NYC. I'm super single.

...WHO GIVES A FUCK.

My life may appear to be one let down after another, but what now stands in the place of what should have been, still brings much joy to me.

Complaining is easy. Being angry is even easier. But learning to cope and pick up and move on is a true test of will power and strength. I was truly hurt that I could not move to New York, but

isn't it possible that things honestly happen for a reason? Of course it is. And what other choice do I have but to believe that there is someone else steering me through this hazy maze of life?

I'll choose the steeper of paths. I'll choose to make the best of ANY situation with my head high and a smile wide. No doubt things will get hard and threaten to defeat me at my best, but I was born of a woman with incredible unmoving faith and strength, who taught me how to fight for whats right and to pray for what's important.

Phone, meet your replacement:

New York, Meet your Replacement:

Stay With Me

It's so amazing how things can be bookmarked into memory and triggered by certain smells, phrases or songs.

"Stay with me" by Danity Kane is one of those triggers.

This song holds so much pain for me. It wasn't until I heard it about 10 minutes that I remembered how damaged I was (ha, damaged....as in their single....shut up). I would love to chalk all of my less than happy love ached memories and times as just whackness, but the truth is that I was truly ignorant to the evils of man and the dangerous innocence of youth. I used to search online for hours in search of someone to fill physical voids that seemed to widen daily. During this particular time in my life I was completely hooked on someone that was not only uninterested in me as a person, but my race as a whole. I was so naive that I blinded myself from very evident truths that were attempting to reveal themselves to me.

I would wait there in front of my computer waiting for him to log on so that I could IM him. He'd ignore me, yet over and over I was convinced that he was just as much in love with me that I was with him. I pictured myself laying next to him, kissing him, meeting his friends, getting wasted together, moving in with him...

He ended me.

He told me that black guys are "just kind of ugly" to him. That felt amazing. He was unknowingly playing into my biggest insecurity of the time. His words burned into my skin and I saw that label for months after we stopped talking.

I was so eager to fall in love that I fell into depression.

Never will I ever let this repeat itself.

Thank you for a very valuable lesson learned.

Feel it, it's real.

Walking along the wet and cold pavement, it seems that at any moment, the black river of this city could give up its push on his feet and drown him in a deep pit of emptiness. The skyline is near hidden by a forest of steel and purpose. What a place. It serves as the heart of a nation, the center point in which decisions of progress flow. The wind is cold with a warm afterbite. Lust and neon lights linger in the air, giving birth to ideas of exploration and dance. He closes his eyes. He stops to appreciate his fate. Where else would he rather be? Where else would he belong? It's as if the lost son has returned home. He opens his eyes. He's still here.

He's still home.

Title: Tidal

Has it happened to slip your mind that I am no longer a timid ripple headed towards obscurity, but rather a small wave gaining speed?

You could either get on board with this motion or be left behind like the other land dwellers, staying where it is safe.

I am a creature of change and progression, refusing to be influenced by the pull and push of any greater force.

I carry with me the debris of tragic and epic tales of loss and gain, of love and friendship, of youth and of man.

I will not join the mass of the many, but rather the sacred isle of the few.

Fall into me.