Breaking down

There's this undeniable, indescribable, inescapable feeling of supreme failure occurring internally during an unprecedented era of personal success. But why? Why such a strong contradicting and conflicting feeling? If the answer is out there, it is trying it's damnedest to elude and evade me.

I'm a failure! I've let myself down. I've rushed, I've slacked, I've misjudged and lied to my heart. UGH! I want to stop. I want it all to just stop. I've messed over you, instead of taking my time to cherish you. I'm a failure. This invisible game that plays on in my head has you as victor. I loose. I'm not worthy of your time, it's time you see that.

I'm a mess, already. Great. Fail.

Again.

I can't do this for much longer, I'm treading through life with no direction, stagnant in this dismal town at this fucking dreadful institution. I despise everything. I'm trying so hard to encourage myself, but it's almost as if I'm no longer buying my own lies.