I hate my life: The Pholcus phalangioides Spider

I remember being a tot and playing with my brother in the basement. We had this old green couch that had survived our short lived stint with army pocket knives from The Boy Scouts. It had all of these tiny slits in it from the frequent stabbings it endured. Once, while playing on the sofa, a Daddy long leg spider crawled from within the couch and was just hanging out on my leg. I didn't freak out, because it was a common looking spider. So, my brother and I played with the spider, trapping it, spraying it with air freshener and such. I come to find out that the Pholcus phalangioides spider (Daddy Long leg) is the most venomous animal in existence!


AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


How lame! The poor insect is FEARED in the animal world. It would probably walk into a bar and errbody would be like "Ahhh shit, der go Daddy Long Leg, lets get the fuck outa herr!" (yes, I realize that insects don't actually have clubs, but you don't know WHAT they do when you cut off the light...bitch) But, due to it's tiny fangs it can't bite through the human skin, can you imagine? Being so damn awesome and bad ass and no one giving a fuck. Poor Pholcus phalangioides. I know your therapist must be gifted. And and your esteem! HA! WHAT ESTEEM! I was ten and I was spraying you with misty potpourri! AND YOU COULDN'T DO SHIT! I could just imagine what he was thinking... "Yeah, lil black bitch, if you was a grasshopper, I'd fuck you up right now." hahahahaha, lame ass insect. BOW TO MY HUMAN SUPERIORITY!

(Pholcus phalangioides A.K.A Bitch)